The Apprentice Series 4 - Episode 6


Matt Lucas/Kevin Shaw


A Shaw Thing

The Task The teams have to invent a special occasion, create and design five card ideas to celebrate the occasion and pitch the concept to three market-leading retailers. (SAS chooses Kevin and Michael to lead the teams, clearly wanting to get rid of at least one of them).
Alpha (Michael(PM) Lee, Jen M, Helene, Raef, and Lucinda): Michael starts with a pep talk where he will clearly do absolutely anything to win. The brainstorming draws out some wonderful ideas ranging from National Joke day, Aliens have landed day and Congratulations on your cosmetic surgery day. Thankfully, Raef comes up with single’’s’ day, because "on valentine’’s’ day people who are single basically feel like ****" (as a happy single person I love this idea, it is like one in the face for smug marrieds). Raef works really hard on his pitch and we are clearly set up to want this lot to win (… those cheeky production staff do like to toy with us).
The following day Helene, Lucinda and Jenny C are apparently overseeing the photo shoot but are in fact just poncing about. Helene and Lucinda are clearly trying to get on in front of each other, and yet still slagging each other off to the cameras. The boys spend three hours worrying about an apostrophe – procrastination or pedantry?? Finally Michael makes an executive decision to put the apostrophe after the ‘s’ but only after Raef has told him the right answer.
Alpha pitch to Clinton Cards and Tesco choosing the 13th Feb as Single’’s’ day, who like the concept and hate the date. Michael finally decides to drop the date by the time Raef stands up to impress Celebrations.
Rennaissance (Kevin (PM), Jen C, Alex, Claire, Kevin, Sara): Kevin, in his worryingly tight suit, starts by stating that he inspires devotion and people want to work for him because he makes their lives inspirational… bang, bang… surely. Claire reckons Kevin's got short man syndrome. Renaissance’s brainstorming brings up Sara’s Eid day, Jen C’s prom day and for some unfathomable reason they settle on an environmentally focussed campaign… by adding to the problem by sending cards, printing cards and transporting them. Kevin asks who will “smash the pitch to pieces”, which Claire reckons she would, but Kevin chooses himself because he is “totally 150% confident”. Claire goes on to suggest Jen C is the man to do the smashing, but in fairness Claire thinks she is the dog (see episode 1).
On day two, Jen C and Claire blow a mans’ pants up to discuss “wind power”, clearly the most exciting thing to happen to Margaret in a while! Two hours before the pitch Kevin still hasn’t started work and fails in his last ditch attempt to palm it off on Jen C. It is fine though because he thinks “the concept is so strong that he would have to really balls it up big time to lose it”… unfortunately he does balls it up “big time” and as Claire pointed out he pitched like an automated machine gun. Jen C draws attention to the fundamental flaw (other than the fact that they are preachy and boring) in sending cards and their attached environmental impact for environmental week… anyone heard of this new concept, the e-card? Doesn’t involve a single tree. I am wondering if you could extend the concept and send cards to your friends about other things like “sort out your halitosis”, “your hair is shit” or even “lose weight or you’re dumped”. As one of the buyers pointed out – will receiving this card make anyone smile?
Boardroom SAS starts by asking Michael to run the Single’’s’ day concept past “this 61 year old fart” and Michael is unapologetic about choosing the 13th Feb. Everyone seems to love Michael, including Nick Hewer. SAS clearly doesn’t get the environmental cards at all and Kevin mentions the G8 in his defence! They all have a go at Kevin for doing the pitch and Kevin says he wanted to learn…….hang on earlier he was 150% sure that he would “smash it”… also learn on your own time matey.
Unsurprisingly Alpha win on their final pitch and Michael roars in celebration like an overexcited frat kid (embarrassing even for me on my sofa). They are sent off to sip comospolitans whilst watching Mylene Klass play piano… is it really fair that she looks so good in a bikini and can “smash” classical music “to pieces”. SAS accuses Kevin of being "railroaded" by Jen C and Margaret brings up the fact that Jen C pointed out the obvious problem with the card during the pitch. SAS received feedback that Kevin’s pitch was preachy and dreadful and wonders why Claire didn’t do the pitch as "who better than a retail buyer to pitch to other retail buyers"? They all start apportioning blame: Jen C thinks Sara should be fired as she is “smug in the corner”, Claire reckons Sara should be fired for being ineffectual and Kevin reckons Sara should be fired. Kevin strangely chooses Sara and Claire for boardroom part II, which is clearly because he is, or wishes to be, boffing Jen C.
Boardroom II The infighting ensues where Claire and Kevin both blame Sara. Sara, rightfully points out, that the reason they lost the task was not because of her! SAS says "I am wise enough to know when people are ganging up on people". SAS asks Claire to tell him why he shouldn’t fire her, adding “in less than 1000 words”. SAS concludes with "Kevin, this whole task turned out to be a fiasco. As team leader I hold you completely responsible. Kevin, you're fired" and a nation cheers (but not like Michael does because that’s weird).
Back at the house Michael can not believe that Kevin was fired and they all start unnecessarily attacking Sara until Raef talks down Alex in her defence. Go Raef!
Kevin I think the number of red signs on You’re Fired says it all.
Raef Oh how the tide has turned, I love him now, he is definitely my new fave, not only does he know where to put an apostrophe but steps up to defend the ladies.
Alex Why is Alex always sucking his lips… is he trying to look alluring?
<Read Episode 7... coming soon!>